Paul P. Mealing

Check out my book, ELVENE. Available as e-book and as paperback (print on demand, POD). 2 Reviews: here. Also this promotional Q&A on-line.

Sunday, 14 November 2010

Laina Turner's Chiczofrenia



Chiczofrenic is the term for the woman who is purposeful and intentional in how crazy their life may be. The goal with this book is to recognize many women drive themselves crazy, intentionally, by trying to be all they can. I firmly believe we can have it all. A great relationship, be a great mom, keep a good house (if that’s important to you), be a career woman, follow our dreams, work out, eat right, and many more. Women seem to have the knack of how to manage it all and not go crazy. Women seem to always take on more and more…and are successful at it.
Women have tried forever to pretend they fit in the norm even when the norm wasn’t what they wanted. I want women to embrace that more - without caring what anyone thinks. Learn to laugh at your own craziness and be cool at the same time. Be the strong individual you want to be while looking like a million bucks.
Being a woman is difficult and is a constant journey and evolution of self discovery. It’s not always an easy journey and through the process you realize everyone has her own issues. Her own brand of crazy which is my own kind of normal. Crazy but embracing it.
AVAILABLE at www.lainaturner.com/store and get a FREE copy of Stilettos & Scoundrels with purchase through November 15th, 2010
Introduction
There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:
This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.
When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good, and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.
Stacey Charter

Chiczofrenic is my coined term for the woman who is purposeful and intentional in how crazy their life may be. I came upon this shift on a plane ride back from a conference and thought how even though I enjoyed the conference, I wasn’t as passionate as maybe I should’ve been about business. That led me to think about what I was passionate about. After much brainstorming- I realized this was it.
The goal with this book is to recognize that so many of us women drive ourselves crazy, intentionally, by trying to be all we can be. I firmly believe we can have it all. A great relationship, marriage, be a great friend, a great mom, keep a good house (if that’s important to you, it’s not one of my top five), be a career woman, follow our dreams, work out, eat right, and many other things. However, somewhere while trying to accomplish all this, we can tend to go a little nuts. Some more than others, and some longer than others. I used to think I was normal. HA! What a reality check I’ve had. Normal is relative. I’m sure Howard Hughes and Andy Warhol thought they were normal.
Know it’s ok to feel overwhelmed with all you have to do to have it all. Life isn’t easy. However, we all deserve to have what we want. Women seem to have the knack of how to manage it all and not go too crazy. Women seem to always take on more and more…and dammit, we’re successful at it.
Being a woman is difficult and a constant evolution of self-discovery. It’s not an easy journey and through the process you realize every woman has her own issues, her own brand of crazy, which is my favorite kind of normal. Crazy is fine. Embrace it.
Women have tried forever to pretend they fit in the norm even when the norm wasn’t what they wanted. I want women to embrace what it is they truly want - without caring what anyone thinks. Learn to laugh at your own craziness and be cool at the same time. Be the strong individuals we all want to be while looking like a million bucks.
Introspect:
What’s your mission statement as a woman?




 

music-quote.jpg

“Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)         
I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Tell me, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
'Cause I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)”
“Who are you?” by The Who


 

Shhhh…mommy’s crazy but don’t tell.

“Each of us is something of a schizophrenic personality, tragically divided against ourselves.”
Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength to Love

            My daughter started saying that phrase when she was about three. Now to be fair, she used it interchangeably with her father and me, so it’s not as if she singled me out to be the crazy one. She would go to her dad and whisper in his ear “Shhhh…mommy’s crazy but don’t tell,” and then giggle. She would say the same to me “Shhhh…daddy’s crazy but don’t tell,” but would then tell him she only said he was handsome (yes, she was manipulative even at three) and giggle in her adorable way making it very difficult to stay mad at her. She never tried to fool me…hmmm? Out of the mouth of babes they say.
The textbook definition of crazy can be insane, fantastic, strange, ridiculous, extremely fond of, or very good or excellent. I think most of us can be any one or more of those things at any given time. When someone calls you crazy it may mean they think you’re a bit off balance. I say embrace it. If someone calls you crazy say ‘thank you’. It takes a lot of skill and talent to be crazy. Crazy is an art form and we all have an artist within us wanting to get out, if it’s not already.
I used to have a rainbows and marshmallow life. Well, I thought I did. I think now, looking back, that I just wanted it to be that way, and I was in denial of reality because life is never rainbows and marshmallows. I had high expectations of what I felt my life should be and didn’t allow any thoughts that didn’t coincide with those expectations to surface, thinking I could control all outcomes. Now that worked pretty well for thirty-six years and then my perfect world started to crumble. I realized I couldn’t control everything. How could that be? Silly as it seems, I was somewhat shocked at my fallibility. I hadn’t ever really experienced something beyond my control.
My life didn’t start to change in one huge Hiroshima type bang, which would’ve probably been easier, but rather it was like termites working on eating away the wood structures at your house. Where you know there’s damage and there’s going to be ruin at some point but because it’s gradual, you’re able to keep yourself positive on the outcome (denial) until one day your house falls over. And you’re like “Oh, Shit! Now what do I do?” Regardless of the cheesy analogy, the point I’m trying to make is that the realization that your life is a fucking mess and you have no idea how to fix it doesn’t happen overnight. Most of us have been there at one time or another.
I’ve been asked by friends if writing this book was therapy for me and I guess it probably has been in a way. But, when I started writing, that wasn’t my intent. I was thinking more along the lines of being able to share my story, my version of crazy, with people who might be encouraged by knowing that they aren’t the only ones going through this. I know for a long time I thought I was the only one who was losing it and didn’t know where to turn. I’ve learned everyone has baggage, and issues, and their own brand of crazy. No one is perfect, even if they appear to be. I think life is about identifying your brand of crazy and embracing who you are, knowing none of us have it all together all the time. Which when you think about it isn’t all that unusual. Life is ever-changing and you must roll with it.
How did this all start you’re wondering? This realization of my craziness? Well, much like the opening chapter in a fiction book, I woke up one day and realized I was afraid. It was a dark and stormy night. Afraid my life was going to be a series of days much like yesterday and the day before that. The way today would be and probably tomorrow. I realized I was coasting because it was relatively easy but it wasn’t making me happy. I just hadn’t realized for a long time that my life wasn’t making me happy, because it was supposed to right? I had everything I should want. I was doing what people wanted me to do, what I thought I was supposed to be doing as a working mother and wife, and I was doing a pretty good job at it. However, I wasn’t happy in the truly fulfilled sort of way. Looking back I would have handled things much differently when I came to this realization, knowing what I know now, it’s easy to know what to do after the fact and sure would be nice to have do-over’s in life. Fear is what compelled me to make some bad decisions. Fear can be a bastard.
As a normally confident person who went through life up to this point believing I could do anything, and being successful at it, I was, for the first time, afraid, unsure, and not confident with what my heart wanted me to do. All the insecurities I had been repressing for years and years, unbeknownst to me under the guise of my confident business self came crashing to the forefront. I went from being a stoic bitch- who didn’t ever get emotional or weak, to crying at the drop of a hat and not wanting to do anything. I went from working eighty hours a week to barely being able to work the minimum. For me the minimum was still pretty good, but I knew it wasn’t what people expected, it wasn’t what I expected out of myself, and it made me feel even worse. I resisted for a long time acknowledging that I was depressed and anxious. Why? Because I needed to be perfect. I had to have my shit together. People came to me for help and advice. I would think, are they nuts to seek my opinion? I have no idea what I’m doing.
I was supposed to be strong, not weak. I didn’t need anyone, and I took care of everyone (it’s how I felt most comfortable). I got married at twenty-six. I buried my mother at twenty-nine, had a child, got my MBA and PhD. Quit talking to my dad, and had another child. Made a lot of money, lost a lot of money. Lost my husband (well, to be honest I sent him away), met my best friend, who is also my soul mate, and yes, it’s complicated beyond words. All of this in the span of three years (and counting). I went days where I wouldn’t leave my bed unless I had to and wondered when the shitstorm that was my life would end or when the reality television I was sucked into watching would cease to be entertaining and the boredom would force me to be motivated. What made it worse is that I was still able to maintain, barely, and I knew what I needed to do to get myself out of the financial, emotional, and mental rut I was in.
However, I couldn’t do it. I sometimes wished I would really have a breakdown so I could not have to face trying to make it all work again. I would’ve almost preferred not knowing what I needed to do to make things better. Then I could’ve at least lived in a true state of ignorance. Ignorance is bliss and it’s true, as cliché as it is. But, as is life, it’s never that easy. I would make deals with myself to make it seem better, like I was taking action. I would allow myself to wallow and stay in bed all day watching TV and eating Smart Ones (those are Weight Watchers microwavable food for those who don’t know; at least I was eating somewhat healthy). Then when it was late enough to drink wine (a whole bottle or more) I would tell myself that I’d allow myself one more day of self pity and then the next day I’d bounce back and do what I needed to do. What I was capable of. What needed to happen in order to make my dreams come true? I’d even get somewhat excited about my plan. But then I wouldn’t follow through. Doubt, sadness, and anxiety would take over and the cycle would start all over with the bargaining. How did I stop it? I’m sure I haven’t completely, but I’m hoping by the time I finish this book I will have. Hey, maybe it’ll be therapy after all. At the very least, I know it’s somewhat entertaining and people can laugh at my craziness and stupidity at times.
This isn’t meant to be an autobiography, although it may seem like it, but rather a snapshot of the roughest times in my life so far. I sure hope it stays that way. I also hope by sharing, it might help someone else not feel alone.
AVAILABLE at www.lainaturner.com/store and get a FREE copy of Stilettos & Scoundrels with purchase through November 15th, 2010
                                   Laina Turner-Molaski
Laina Turner-Molaski is a business woman, mom, author, Professor, and a major supporter of shopping. She has an undying love for shoes and coffee, which is why she created her main character and alter-ego Presley Thurman.
With a lot of letters after her name and a ton of student loan debt, she is always working to pay the bills. While she enjoys her day job, her passion is writing, and she uses a lot of company time writing her fiction or working on her social website for women, Chiczofrenic.com. She is hoping to sell her book before she gets fired from her day job for goofing off.
Laina is currently living in Indiana, with her family, and is always writing something, whether it’s blogs, articles, business journals and books or ideas for her next novel. She is continuously doing what she loves which is writing or drinking coffee.

You can check out her ramblings at www.lainaturner.com.
TWEETS

@ lturnermolaski What’s your mission statement as a woman? http://ow.ly/2TQAT
@ lturnermolaski What in your life has made you crazy? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What are your life expectations? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Is your life meeting your expectations? If not, are you ready to step off the edge? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Are you attention needy? http://ow.ly/2TPNj

@ lturnermolaski What can you do to pay more attention to yourself? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Do you have a dream that clashes with reality? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What can you do to make your dreams come together? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What super hero would you be? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Are you happy with you? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What’s your favorite toy from childhood and why? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Are you bothered when a man doesn’t give you the attention you deserve? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Do you feel you have balance in life? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski How many things do you juggle at once? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What is your “normal”? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What’s your challenge right now? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What’s your battle plan? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Do you ever over think things? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What are your feelings on marriage vs. committed relationship? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What’s your favorite form of communication? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski How do you go a little wild? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Is your view on sex a healthy one? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Where do you make concessions? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What do you most often feel guilty about? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What would you need to be a trophy wife? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski If you took the man to dinner would you expect a money date? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What would you do if the guy told you his expectation for a money date?
@ lturnermolaski Have you ever tried to “fix” someone? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Do you have a strong support system of girlfriends? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski How can you “submit” without losing yourself? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What does your significant other not understand most about you? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What do you feel men are men good for? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski List your insecurities and then let them go! http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What’s your activity level? What do you want it to be? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski How would you live today if it were your last? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Do you apologize too much? Do you feel you have a purpose? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What’s your bucket list? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski On a scale of 1-10 (10 being good) where does your self-worth fall? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski How do you cope? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Who’s your ideal man? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What’s your comfort food? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Have you reinvented yourself lately? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Do you have a need for approval? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What’s your favorite body part and why? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What piece of clothing makes you feel invincible? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski How is your relationship with your mother? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Are you like your mom? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What’s your favorite pig out food? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski If you’re a mother what about motherhood has surprised you the most? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What would it take to make you feel like a queen for a day? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski Have you ever pretended you couldn’t do something just because you didn’t want to? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What’s your favorite cuss word? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What would your roller derby name be? http://ow.ly/2TPNj
@ lturnermolaski What’s your mini reward? http://ow.ly/2TPNj



1 comment:

Paul P. Mealing said...

For those who are wondering, this is a cross-promotion I'm doing with Laina Turner to help her promote her e-book, Chiczofrenia.

She's doing a blog tour, and I agreed to be one of the blogs. I've posted a day early, partly because I live a day ahead of the US.

Regards, Paul.